Funny Outlook on Problems
I tried to drown my problems but they can swim!
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen!
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning... put on a shirt and a button
fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to
go to the bathroom!
Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He's fully recovered.
1st man: I woke up this morning and felt so bad that I tried to kill myself
by taking a thousand aspirin.
2nd man: Oh really, what happened?
1st man: After the first two, I felt better.
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Some people hate waking up and getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it
three or four times a day.
One bald guy to another: I'll tell you a joke that will knock the hair off
your head..... Whoops! I see you already heard it.
Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body.
Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: Why don't mummies take vacations?
A: They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: There's something between us that smells.
Q: Do you mind if I smoke?
A: I don't care if you burst into flames and die.
Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A: They all have phones.
I dialed "O" and when a sweet voice answered, I said, "Hello, operator, I'd like to speak to the king of the jungle."
She answered immediately, "I'm very sorry, but the lion is busy."