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Clean Fun

Funny One Liners

• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

• Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding

• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

• Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

• I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

• I intend to live forever - so far, so good

• I love defenceless animals, especially in a good gravy

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

• If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

• Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

• Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

• Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

• Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

• Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

• If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...

• 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

• Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

• Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

• If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

• Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

• I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

• Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

• How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

• Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

• Wear short sleeves!  Support your right to bare arms!

• For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

• OK, so what's the speed of dark?

• Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

• Black holes are where God divided by zero.

• All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

• I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my  nose.