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Clean Fun

Funny Insults


Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.

Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.

I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.

I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

Hey, act your age -- senile!

I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.

In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."

We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.

We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?

The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.

When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.

For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.

You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!

You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!

I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.

I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!

You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.

I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.

You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.

If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.

You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.

You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet!!

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.

You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.

At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.

If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.

You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes.

They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world.

Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit.

You always have your ear to the ground. So how's life in the gutter?

Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.

Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.

You will never be able to live down to your reputation!

Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours.

Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.

Man alive! But I wish you weren't.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.

You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.

You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.

We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.

I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.

There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.

All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.

I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.

I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.

Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious!

You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.

You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.

I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.

After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.

You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.

I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!

We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!

We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".

You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth.

You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!

A dope you are and dope will remain. Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain!

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

Your family tree is good, but you are the sap.

We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.

Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.

I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us.

You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!

When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.

You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.

Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't.

People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.

Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.

What's the latest dope -- besides you?

I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture.

You don't believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself.

When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound.

Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot.

If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.

You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.

I admire you because I've never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat.

You're acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would.

You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it!

You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light.

They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!

When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say it was your stupidity.

Well, I'll see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much.

Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.

You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, you'll do.

If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!

I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.

Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too.

I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly

Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?

I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?

You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.

You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!

Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?

Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.

Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.

You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.

You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.

You grow on people -- like a wart!

Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.

People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.

Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!

We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.

The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.

You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?

I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.

No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.

There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.

Sit down and give your mind a rest.

If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!

You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.

They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?

You're very smart. You have brains you never used.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

Eventually, you will get what you asked for.

Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?

You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!

You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!

You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!

If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.

Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.

I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.

I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

I've hated your looks from the stare they gave me.

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more!

Someone took a photo of you once, but it didn't turn out. You could be seen too clearly.

So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago.

You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one.

The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe you'll windup with lockjaw.

I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane!

If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?

Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.

I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.

I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.

When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.

I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.

I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.