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Clean Fun

Funny Corportate Language


COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY
We have no time to train you

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY
Anyone in the office can boss you around

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
We have no quality control

CAREER-MINDED
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way)

APPLY IN PERSON:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE
You'll need it to replace three people who just left

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:
I've used Microsoft Office

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE
I pilfer office supplies

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES
I hope you don't ask me about all the Mc Jobs I've had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK
I blame others for my mistakes

I'M PERSONABLE
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL
I carry a Day-Timer

I AM ADAPTABLE
I've changed jobs a lot

I AM ON THE GO
I'm never at my desk

I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here