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Clean Fun

Funny Computer Terms


• Log on - Make the wood stove hotta.

• Log off - Don't add no more wood.

• Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove.

• Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.

• Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.

• Ram - The thing that split that firewood.

• Hard drive - Getting home in the winter.

• Prompt - What the mail ain't during the winter.

• Window - What to shut when it's cold outside.

• Screen - What to shut during black fly season.

• Screen saver - Duct tape for the torn window screen.

• Byte - What the black flies do.

• Bit - What the black flies did.

• Megabyte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season.

• Chip - Munchies for TV.

• Microchip - The crumbs in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

• Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway.

• Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife.

• Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out.

• Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds.

• Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery.

• Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box.

• Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully.

• Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes.

• Web - What a spida makes.

• Web site - What's found in the corners of high ceilings.

• Cursor - Someone who swears.

• Search engine - What you do when the caa dies.

• Home page - Map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the woods.

• Upgrade - Steep hill.

• Server - Waitress.

• Mail server - Male waitress, damn few in Maine.

• Sound card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it.

• User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.

• Browser - A problem moose in the garden or blueberry patch.

• Network - Mending holes in the fishnet.

• Internet - Complicated fishnet repair method.

• Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network.

• Online - Good sign there'll be clean clothes this week.

• Offline - The clothespins let go and the laundry falls to the ground.

Redneck Computer Terms!

• BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.

• BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.

• BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick.

• BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.

• CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps.

• CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.

• TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker.

• CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.

• DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers.

• DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer.

• FAX - What you lie about to the IRS.

• HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.

• HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.

• INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.

• KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.

• MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.

• MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers.

• MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.

• MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live.

• NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.

• ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.

• ROM - Where the Pope lives.

• SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.

• SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast.

• SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year.

• SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear.