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Clean Fun

Funny Clever One Liners


Indecision is the key to flexibility.

You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.

Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Error, no keyboard -- press F1 to continue.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Hard work has a future payoff. - Laziness pays off now.

What is a 'free' gift? - Aren't all gifts free?

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Old soldiers never die; young ones do.

If you're right 98% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?

Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.

Avoid cliches like the plague.

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

All's well that ends.