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Clean Fun

Laughter medicine of the mind

• Laughter is the secret best medicine you will ever find - this has been know throughout the ages. So, relax, clear your mind, and laugh until your hearts content. Use the side menu to see the various categories - and enjoy.

Quickies:

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.  He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Birds are grouchy in the morning because their bills are over dew.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank...
proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer Nuts are around a dollar seventy-nine, and deer nuts are just under a buck!

You know you're getting old when you stop to think and forget to start again.

My gym teacher told me to touch my toes. I said, "I don't have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?"

What do you give a man who has everything? Antibiotics.

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.

Did you hear about the depressed dyslexic? He threw himself behind a bus.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.

What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!

How can you tell when a salesperson is lying? His lips are moving.

Did you hear about the Indian who drank 12 gallons of Lipton's? They found him the next day, dead in his tea-pee.

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

If a train station is where the train stops and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?

The Pope has the best job in the world: he has one boss only, and even him he meets after his death.

A.S.A.P. = Always Say A Prayer

Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.

Beware of a man with a gleam in his eyes - it may just be the sun shining through the hole in his head.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

My wife is a sex object every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Everyone has a photographic memory, but some don't have film.

You are obviously smarter than me, so if YOU can't figure it out, what the hell makes you think I can?

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different.

Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.

The judge said to his dentist: "Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth."

Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neigbourhood without moving.

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Office Manager: That's great, I'll take two of them.

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

Did you hear about the Indian who drank 12 gallons of Lipton's?
They found him the next day, dead in his tea-pee.

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."